Why I Wouldn't Wish Twins on Anyone

by Valorie Delp | More from this Blogger

02 Aug 2007 08:10 AM

Don't get me wrong. . .I love my twins. I am definitely one of those people who considers it a double blessing to have twins. In fact, it kind of rubs me the wrong way when I hear someone say, "Uh oh, double trouble." So it's not that I'm saying that it's horrible to have twins. However, it seems to me that there's this trend towards wanting them. They are the coolest accessory around. I'm constantly running in to people that gush over my good fortune. As reproductive technology advances and becomes more feasible, I hear more and more people say, "Oh I want twins. Two for the price of one, right?"

I have written, and could probably write abundantly more in the pregnancy blog on why twins is not a two for one deal when it comes to pregnancy. It is incredibly hard on your body because essentially, we are not designed to carry more than one fetus at a time. But today rather, I want to focus on some of the things that are rather difficult about raising twins.

Sleep Deprivation

It is true that no matter what you do, you are bound to experience sleep deprivation with a newborn in the house. The difference is that with one baby, there is a second set of hands that is available to help you out and give you a rest. With two babies however, that second set of hands needs his own rest.

When our girls were born my husband had baby duty every night. I had typically nursed our babies and honestly, didn't need my husband to wake up except on that rare occasion. I was more prepared for the sleep deprivation but my poor dear husband, walked around like a zombie for several months after their birth. Extreme sleep deprivation causes all sorts of mental deterioration--which you should expect if you're having twins.

That Twin Thing

When my twins were born my oldest daughter was 6. She was convinced that they would be best friends and have everything in common because after all, they look alike. But we're quickly discovering that one of the hardest things about twindom is being a twin. Simply because of who they are, there are expectations placed on them that are unlike the expectations placed on any of their other siblings. Helping them shrug the expectations of others is a delicate balance of teaching them respect but allowing them to be their own people is a little more complicated than it sounds.

Someone once put it very aptly: Deliberately having twins is like having a house fire so that you can use the insurance money to remodel your house. The end result is wonderful but the road to get there is very difficult.

So if you are thinking of deliberately getting two out of the way so it will be easier in the long run, let me assure you that there is nothing easier about having twins. On the other hand, if you find yourself surprised when you see two little heads on that sonogram monitor. . .congratulations!

*The twins recently turned two, so to celebrate their birthdays, you can look for more articles on raising twins this week!

Learn more about Valorie Delp

Hello everybody! My name is Valorie and I am one busy lady! When I'm not writing or editing for families, I am busy trying to get my brood of 5 in line.

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Julie Gentry (5915) 02 Aug 2007 10:13 AM

My brothers are twins. And my mom had a nursing two year old at the time. Fortunately, she also had girls 14, 13, and 12. We were on year-round school, so we each took a different track, and on the fourth, we missed school every third day. It worked out great. We also each had an "assigned" baby for nights and weekends. I can't imagine doing it without extra help.

mbohn (22) 02 Aug 2007 12:17 PM

I used to always want to have twins, but when I had my first child I realized one at a time was enough. My heart goes out to all you who have twins, both finding the time and spending the money it takes to have two at a time. I think in many things (strollers etc) you get soaked with the price. I am a professional oragnizer who helps women organize their time and resources. On my web site I have timely organizing tips in my blog. You may find things there that can help you as a mother of twins. http://www.marilynbohn.com

Lyn Newton (3966) 03 Aug 2007 07:33 PM

I have also heard a lot of people comment on wanting twins. I honestly think that it is more the attention that twins gain rather than actually wanting twins. Everywhere that I went with my sister and her twins girls, we gained attention. I agree with you- they are a blessing and a wonderful surprise but also a lot of work.

Valorie Delp (49340) 03 Aug 2007 08:04 PM

LOL! What's funny is most people I know who have twins HATE the attention once it actually arrives. We have to hide in a corner if we want to eat out in peace bc EVERYONE thinks that they have to stop to talk to us about the twins. LOL And it seems that everyone wants to tell you about their 3rd cousin twice removed who had twins. ;-)