Tantrums! Screams! And Crying! Oh My!

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

01 Feb 2006 07:00 AM

One of the most difficult problems to confront parents is when their baby starts shrieking, hitting, going stiff bodies or stamping their feet in fury. The first time it happens, you may stare at your child in utter shock. A child in full cry and tantrum is a site to behold and while we may call them temper tantrums, it's very likely that it's not 'anger' that has them on a roll.

When babies cry they do it because they have no other way to express need, desire, want or frustration. In fact, babies cry for just about every reason under the sun and it's up to Mom to identify what those different cries signify. When the big one hits, however, keep in mind that it's not what you did that upset them, but how you handle his or her upset that will matter.

It's important to identify where tantrums come from so that you can formulate game plans to deal with them. The most common sources of tantrums are:

· Hunger · Frustration · Overtiredness · Fear · Anxiety · Lack of Communication · Change · Over stimulation · Boredom

While boredom may not seem a problem your baby would have, it's actually more common than a lot of moms realize. Babies enjoy stimulation and interaction. They learn by rote and by memorization. But when they've done the same thing over and over and over again, they too can get bored with it.

Some solutions for these problems as you deal with them include:

For Hunger - Provide a snack or light drink. If your baby is old enough to have water, try using water to supplement because hunger can often be a sign for dehydration.

For Frustration - Help them achieve whatever goal it is that is frustrating them or provide a distracting activity. If you remove the baby from the frustration and give them something to accomplish, you can curb the tantrum long before it starts.

For overtiredness - Try to settle the baby down for a nap with a quiet activity. This can include a mobile, soft music, rocking chair or even reading softly to them. While you may not approve of the television as a quiet activity, settling an older toddler into a chair with a favorite blanket and putting on a quiet show can work wonders, letting their mind decompress while their body relaxes and sleep is quickly forthcoming.

For fear and anxiety, cuddle the baby and reassure them. Remove them from whatever is making them afraid or anxious. Do not dismiss fear, it's easy to say that it's not something to be afraid of but babies do not have our experiences.

For Lack of Communication, get down on their level and try to understand what it is they want. The frustration a baby feels when they cannot communicate a need is overwhelming. Imagine how you feel when you are doing everything you can to explain a problem and the person on the other side is not getting it.

For Change, change is hard for everyone, but it can be especially hard for babies. You need to let them get used to the change and simply be patient with them. You can talk to them; keep your manner open and easy going. Make it a fun change for them as opposed to expecting them to just deal with it.

For over stimulation, baby is going to need quiet time. There's really no other better cure for over stimulation than letting them have some down time to process everything. If it's late in the day, give them a quiet place to relax and let their mind unwind. Our daughter used to babble to herself in her crib for up to thirty minutes before falling asleep. The quiet time helps them learn how to go to sleep on their own as well as process their day.

Finally, take a deep breath Mom. Babies cry. It's what they do. If you've done everything for them and they are dry, fed, warm and safe. It may be that they just need some time to cry and let it out. Make sure they are in a safe place like a crib or a playpen and step out of the room if you need to. Consider it a lesson in letting them vent. You may want to give them ten or fifteen minutes and try again to soothe, after they've had a chance to get it off their chest they may be ready for the company and the compassion.

Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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bluetree (2947) 01 Feb 2006 11:07 PM

I've seen babies that cry a lot, often they are given so much attention everytime they do cry it's no wonder they keep crying.

Anna Glendenning (4234) 02 Feb 2006 03:26 PM

I personally, feel the age of the crying baby is very important. Tiny infants under 6 months usually cannot become spoiled and typically cry for good reason.

With the three of my four children I had the pleasure of knowing as infants I never left them to cry it out! Babies learn their needs will be met by a loving parent through the cycle of our meeting their needs. Sometimes young infants do need more holding and contact with a loving caregiver.

I don't believe that holding, rocking or providing safe arms for very tiny infants has anything to do with later tantrums and demanding habits. A child who can trust the caregiver to meet their needs may actually have fewer reasons to throw a fit because a foundation of met needs has been built.

Heather Long (16954) 02 Feb 2006 06:44 PM

Anna, you're absolutely right. When I talk about putting the baby down for a few minutes, that's for Mom's sanity. Not to 'teach' the baby anything.

Anna Glendenning (4234) 03 Feb 2006 02:40 PM

Thank you for responding Heather--I think I was having a sensitive moment!

I do agree there was one of my dear little babies that did drive me crazy with the fussiness. I do recall the feeling of complete stress and thinking that I 'understood where the urge to shake a baby comes from'...... At a point such as that I do feel parents are much better off to set baby down safely and let them cry while we regain our ability to be calm again.....

I think the "cry it out" idea is a hot button for me as I have seen a few mom's who take it a little to far in my opinion.... And I have heard a few older people suggest that allowing a baby to scream for a period of time "clears their lungs" which I really never understood.....

Heather Long (16954) 03 Feb 2006 04:45 PM

Anna, I totally understand. I've seen it taken too far and that's where I firmly believe in moderation in all things.

I remember calling my mother-in-law once when my daughter was about 10 weeks old. She asked me how I was doing and I said "I understand why animals eat their young." She laughed and laughed and laughed. Then said, "It's going to be fine, where is she now?"

"In her crib, crying -- I had to step out and get some air. Going back in five minutes."

"Good, good. Never hurts to let them have a few moments while you get yourself back together."

She was right and I knew I'd made the right call. When I went back in, she was still upset and she still wanted cuddling, but now she would accept it -- and in about twenty minutes she was cuddled and snuggled and happy again.

Thanks for the commends, Anna -- I love talking to other Moms -- because as you well know -- Moms know!