Let's Be Honest About Formula vs. Breast Milkby Valorie Delp | More from this Blogger 13 Jan 2007 09:44 AM I am concerned about the discussions going on around me. What prompted me to write this blog was one of the discussions in the forums. However, comments about 'formula being as good as breast milk', or 'the breastfeeding Nazis' aren't only found there. There seems to be a definite division between the breast milk mamas and the formula mamas. But let's be honest--breast milk, is NOT the same as formula. It's scientifically just not. To be honest, if you look at the data, it's not even a close second. No matter how much we want to pretend that it is just as good to "justify" using bottles and/or formula. . .breast milk remains much healthier for an infant. Formula, while it tries to mimic properties found in breast milk, will fall short because breast milk is a living tissue. Its properties and nutrients change with your baby--something formula will never be able to do. But now that I've gotten that out in the open. . .let's talk about why there is a division. Living with Regret There are some women, who for a medical reason, simply can't breastfeed. If you talk with many of these women, they feel hurt and regret it deeply. But at the same time they know their choice and couldn't have done anything about it. On the other hand, there are a lot of women who could medically breastfeed. However just because breastfeeding is natural, doesn't mean it comes naturally. They try and try, but lack the proper support either because it's simply not available or because they didn't know who to ask. For sure, trying is frustrating and frequently painful. In frustration, and often with a lot of tears they quit and switch to formula. They simply find it impossible to go on. Some women choose formula over breast milk. Reasons are too varied for me to go into here. They have no regrets over using formula and often view the two substances as equivalent. In any case, I challenge you to find at the park, the kids who got the breast, vs. the kids who got the bottle, vs. the kids who got a little of both. Some women claim they can tell, and there are tell tale indicators of a breastfed infant vs. a formula fed one BUT I guarantee you that when they're all entering preschool--no one will be the wiser! Parenting Nazis, NOT Breastfeeding Nazis I think the division comes when someone with a particularly strong opinion openly shares. Most who are reading this likely know that I have successfully breastfed all five of my children. In fact, I am still nursing the twins who are about 19 months old. However, my third child was horrible at the breast. If she had been my first, they all would've been bottle fed. But she wasn't my first and so when trouble crept up I knew what to do. Support was not readily available--I had to seek it extensively. But again this was my third--I knew what I needed to make it work. On the search to the right lactation consultant who could help me, I met a variety of opinions. My favorite was one woman who told me I obviously didn't know what I was doing and if I did, I wouldn't be seeking help! Talk about a discouraging comment to a breastfeeding mother who is struggling. Not to mention the fact that with three kids only two years apart--I promise you, I knew what I was doing. The problem is that everyone has strong opinions about how to raise children. You have them too, as do I. Unfortunately, some people feel too free to share. While the 'bottle moms' get their share of comments--so do the breastfeeding moms. I have been criticized for not giving some bottles, for slinging babies, for co-sleeping, for not co-sleeping long enough, for breastfeeding twins, for giving the twins bottles while they were in the hospital with jaundice, for potty training late, for home schooling. . .ad nauseum. The comments are not reserved for formula feeding moms. People that feel free to share their criticisms in a particularly harsh manner, are parenting Nazis. In fact, I am willing to bet that people who freely share their criticisms about formula feeding, also freely share their criticisms on all other subject matters too! Guilt and Perspective So, to all you moms who say you've been made to feel guilty by someone who is very pro-breastfeeding I say this: No one can make you feel guilty without your permission. Even the most harsh criticism, MUST have your permission to seep into your brain. So don't give them permission. Make your choice based on the information you have, your particular situation, and your needs. You will not journey through parenthood without having regrets nor will you do it perfectly. But allowing the criticisms of others to make you defensive and frustrated will hinder your parenting effectiveness. So moms, make your decision and hold your head up high. You have more important things to think about than what someone else thinks you should be feeding your baby! So. . .Let's Be Honest You can say breast milk is healthier and you can say that you chose to formula feed--all in the same sentence. You're not a bad mom. You're a mom who made the best decision for herself, her child and her family with the resources and support that you had at the time. Related Articles: Practices That Promote Breastfeeding Other breastfeeding articles! Learn more about Valorie Delp  Hello everybody! My name is Valorie and I am one busy lady! When I'm not writing or editing for families, I am busy trying to get my brood of 5 in line. Relevantbaby tags User Comments  Andrea Hermitt (5472) 13 Jan 2007 08:56 AMMy parenting choices in the mid 1990's caused all-out brawls among my relatives! They had me so tuckered out, I didn't bother having the breastfeeding and other "natural" decisions with others!  Valorie Delp (49340) 13 Jan 2007 09:05 AMLOL! You are too funny Andrea. Likewise, my in-laws were a little taken aback, but resorted to hinting rather than brawling. Afterall, my MIL was Amish. . . Andrea Hermitt (5472) 13 Jan 2007 09:53 AMIf you think that is funny... when my mom insisted that I feed my newborn rice cereal at night, I asked her if I should eat it myself and then jump up and down... If looks could kill I'd be dead right now!  Julie Gentry (5915) 13 Jan 2007 09:03 PMYou're funny, Andrea! Valorie, I think there ARE 'militant breastfeeders' out there, with little consideration for other people. I'm 100% for the breast and nursed mine, but when my sister in law stopped after a few weeks, berating her wasn't going to change things. Her kids are fine. They would've been even better than fine with the breastfeeding, but once someone has made up their mind, it doesn't really do any good to beat them over the head :-). btw, Valorie, my mom had a nursing 2 year old when my twin brothers were born. She was about 110 lbs at the time and nursing three babies. The 2 year old didn't get a chance to wean herself; her brothers did it for her.  Mary Ann Romans (26791) 14 Jan 2007 05:47 AMGreat article. Believe it or not, there are formula Nazis out there, too. When I nursed my first child, my husband's family and mine both nagged me with all of the reasons breastfeeding was bad for the baby--everything from promoting buck teeth to breastfeeding being dirty and germy! And I don't even want to get into all of the worst comments! Valorie Delp (49340) 14 Jan 2007 05:51 AMI agree girls. . .but I think they would be militant about anything you did that disagrees with what they would do. I think as well that once someone has made up their mind--it doesn't help to beat them over the head with it.  Heather Long (16954) 14 Jan 2007 08:30 AMHaving been one of those moms who really struggled with nursing because she couldn't latch, I was profoundly grateful for the breast pump that let me provide her with breast milk in the absence of all others. We're hoping baby number 2 will be able to latch if we get to have our second baby and if they can't -- then we'll be prepared to do the same we did before! Valorie Delp (49340) 14 Jan 2007 11:02 AMHeather. . .if you're not tired of reading my breastmilk blogs (;-) Look at the one about Should Formula contain a Warning Label. I mention in there about the idea that the government is trying to change the conversation from "breastfeeding" to "feeding breast milk"; letting moms know that there are other alternatives to breastfeeding like pumping and/or using a breastmilk bank. Thanks for the comments ladies!  kimchee67 (16781) 14 Jan 2007 07:05 PMGreat article. I had to actively seek information and support as an exclusive pumper and milk donater. (I'm lucky to have a good enough supply that I supply enough milk for my friend to supplement her son with my milk instead of formula) A lot of people don't understand why I do so much in order for my daughter to have breastmilk, and you've done a great job of helping to explain why! People are always going to have an opinion, but I've had to be comfortable enough with my choices to not be offended by them.  Miriam Metzinger (174) 24 Jan 2007 05:58 PMHey Valorie...great article...Just a comment though... When you talk about being able to spot kids in the park kids who were breast versus bottle fed, I have to say that breastfed kids can hit, bite and cause as much general pandemonium as their formula-fed counterparts. In fact, I am wondering if one of the reasons my three-year-old has regressed to biting again in preschool is because he sees me nursing my 6 month old and feels jealous (I nursed the first one until he was two, so he can remember). The teacher tells me he is always rubbing his mouth and biting when he gets nervous, so there are two sides to this issue. Also, there are women who find it impossible to get pregnant while nursing, and have to wean...again, as you said "no one can make you feel guilty without your permission!" Valorie Delp (49340) 24 Jan 2007 07:43 PMThanks for the comment Miriam! Just to be clear. . .I said, "there are indicators of a breastfed infant. . ." I didn't mean at the play ground although I went back and see how my writing was a little unclear. For sure, any 3yo can hit, bite, kick and punch. (LOL--I think if you could stop obnoxious behaviors by breastfeeding more kids would be breastfed.) I was more eluding to physical indicators among infants such as skin texture, reflexes, texture in poop, and such. As far as women who "have to" wean to get pregnant. . .you're right. It's a matter of perspective. Personally I wouldn't wean to get pregnant. . .I would wait until the nursling was done. (Actually I'm one of those people who will have kids every two years regardless of nursing--I've nursed through pregnancies.) But I certainly don't judge someone who does wean to do so--in fact I don't even have an opinion on what someone else should do. That's just me ;-) Nola Redd (7081) 25 Jan 2007 10:25 PMMary Ann, I nursed all three of my kids until about the one year mark. I, too, got the 'when are you going to wean', 'isn't it time for solids' comments from both families. Comments like that always tempt me to pull one side out and start shooting ;) Community Tags breastfeeding, benefits of breastfeeding, breastmilk Discuss this article
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