Dear Mom, Was I this hard?

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

05 Nov 2006 05:55 AM

I didn't get any sleep last night - I think I closed my eyes a couple of times, but it was a blink before the baby was awake and needed something again. I feel like I just got a grip on part of what the baby wants and the next thing I know, she's demanding something else. Is it supposed to be this hard?

Do you remember when I was little and you used to say that I didn't have to talk? That there was nothing wrong with silence? Silence is a beautiful thing. I never realized how much I liked silence until it was so hard to find. I've watched more television at 2 a.m. in the last few weeks than I did in the entirety of my so-called wild teenage years.

I didn't realize how much I don't like 2 a.m. I never get to finish a cup of tea or a meal - we've gone out to dinner a couple of times and it's not fun. I spend every moment of the meal looking after the baby and instead of really enjoying the food, I take it home in its plastic carton to be reheated at 3 or 4 in the morning - you know the next time I can find a moment of blissful silence.

I gave up caffeine. I'm limiting my sugar intake and I'm tired all the time. Did you know that you can take a shower in under 5 minutes and that if you're really good you can eat in under six? Was I this hard on your life? Did everything change when I was born?

How does something so very small and so very helpless fill up every corner of my house and my being? How can I be so frustrated and tired and at the same time, she moves her head the right way, she lets out a sleep sigh and she snuggles into my arms and I am so completely happy at the same time? It all seems pretty insane - so tell me Mom - was I this hard?

Love,

Me.

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Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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