Dads That Breastfeed: A Manly Man's Perspective

by Valorie Delp | More from this Blogger

18 Aug 2006 05:55 PM

My husband is the ultimate jock type guy. He played competitive soccer when he was younger and less, (as he puts it), decrepit. He plays fantasy football. He follows all the games on ESPN. He even follows "foreign" sports like cricket, polo and soccer. The guy teaches sports to other little future jocks for a living. Yes, he is a manly man, burly and muscle-y and all that.

When I got pregnant with our first child, he wouldn't even walk into the maternity store with me--because he thought it was gross. He was absolutely horrified to see bras that had "flaps" for easy access--for the baby! Don't get me wrong, my husband is easily one of the most involved dads that I know. He was just kind of grossed out by the whole process in the beginning. Needless to say, five children later, he has definitely gotten over it. He has learned that although I am definitely the one actually breastfeeding, breastfeeding an newborn is a family affair.

Here are my charming husband's observations and helpful advice for new dads:

#1--Learn all you can. Actually, recent pilot programs at various hospitals back this piece of advice up. Couples who took an informational breastfeeding seminar were more likely to continue breastfeeding past six months than when only the woman took the seminar.

My husband says that once he realized how incredibly beneficial it was to breastfeed, it helped him get over feeling squeamish about the whole process.

#2--You still have to get up in the middle of the night! There may not be bottles to prepare, but dads everywhere would be wise to follow the advice of my beloved: If mom is up, dad gets up too. Eventually, we worked our way out of this pattern and my husband takes the "early" shift when the baby wakes up slightly before dawn.

#3--If you can't feed the baby, you can feed everyone else in the family.

My husband is not super handy in the kitchen. But he does know how to make a few things kind of well. His claim to fame however, can be that not once, in 10 years of marriage has he come in the door and asked where dinner is. He has asked if he can help with dinner or if he can make something for dinner. Dads, breastfeeding takes up a huge amount of time. One way to support your spouse is to make dinner frequently for everyone else in the family.

#4--Domestic engineering is a man's job. My hubby would cringe at the thought of being called a househusband. But golly gosh, is he not incredibly helpful. Dads, be the "domestic engineer" and chuck a load of laundry in the wash, do the dusting, or anything else that your wife can't get to while she's busy with the newborn.

#5--Don't ever, ever suggest formula (unless your wife wants you to!)

My husband learned the hard way that suggesting a bottle of formula, is not the wisest thing to say to a very determined breastfeeding mother. If things are not going well, you can offer extra support, more pillows, anything at all that might be viewed as supportive. However, if your wife is on the verge of a mental breakdown, letting her know that a bottle of formula does not make her a bad mother, will win you the good husband award. Either way, it is important to be reassuring that your wife can breastfeed, helpful if she can't or doesn't want to, and supportive either way.

#6--Hold a colicky baby but pass a hungry one. With our first baby, my husband automatically passed the baby to me if she cried. It didn't matter if I had just fed her. It was inconceivable that he could in fact console a fussy baby after she'd been fed.

#7--Find other ways to bond. One problem that many nursing families face is that mom gets most of the bonding time. My husband began taking care of bath time. Not only did this give me a little peace, it also provided a unique opportunity for him to bond with the baby. Now, if I happen to do bath time, my toddler will frequently remind me, "That's not how daddy does it."

#8--Babies don't like their dads but they'll change their minds later.

Well, that's not entirely true. Babies, I'm sure love daddy just as much, but when they prefer food, or are upset--only mommy will due. Dads need not worry though about never bonding or "clicking" with a baby though. As baby is more able to respond to their environment, dad will take high priority in baby's life.

As any dad really can tell you, breastfeeding is almost a family proposition. While the mom does all the actual feeding, it is the spouse (and the rest of the family) who pick up the slack and attend to the things mom can't do.

What is your husband's advice for the nursing dad?

Learn more about Valorie Delp

Hello everybody! My name is Valorie and I am one busy lady! When I'm not writing or editing for families, I am busy trying to get my brood of 5 in line.

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mommytotwo (526) 18 Aug 2006 07:18 PM

Great article! With our first, my husband insisted on getting up with me every night and every time I nursed our son. I am so happy he did, because it made the entire process much easier for me and it was nice to have his support! He has been a hands-on dad since day one, probably one of the most involved dad's there is. He did everything he could when I was nursing to make it easier for me, and when we started giving bottles during the overnight hours to our firstborn(I wasn't able to nurse our second), he did all the overnight feedings(with our 2nd son also!) so that I could sleep, even though he had to be at work by 7:00 each morning. I seriously couldn't have gotten through the newborn stage without him. He still gives our boys breakfast in the morning while I workout before he goes to work and he bathes them at night, everynight if he isn't working.

Like your DH, mine played competitive soccer also, he was captain of his high-school and college teams and coached his college alma matter for awhile after graduating college. He lives and breathes sports, works in the recreation field and considers himself a manly man, but he is also a doting dad, and I am lucky!

Valorie Delp (49340) 20 Aug 2006 03:15 AM

Yeah for doting dads! I never understood how some men feel like there's women's jobs and that's that.

Pattie Hughes (7652) 25 Aug 2006 10:04 AM

My husband is also very supportive of breastfeeding. He doesn't get up during the night with me, but he does take the early morning shift before work or on the weekends, so I can sleep. I agree that Dads are very important for successful breastfeeding. Great blog, Valerie!

Valorie Delp (49340) 25 Aug 2006 07:28 PM

Well. . .it used to be BT (before twins) that my dh didn't really get up either. I honestly think that co-sleeping eliminates the need for that unless you have a very high need baby. BUT he did get up with the first one before I really figured out what I was doing and the poor guy was in shock when we had twins and he had to get up with one of them of course. Absolutely supportive--but shocked. He forgot how exhausting it can be.