Co-Sleeping Babies Never Leave Their Parents!

by Valorie Delp | More from this Blogger

28 Jan 2007 10:18 AM

I hear this often as one of the primary reasons against co-sleeping. Some people feel that it interferes with intimacy between a husband and wife. Others tried co-sleeping for a short period and found it very difficult to get their child out of the bedroom. Many of you who regularly read my blog, probably already know that we are a co-sleeping family. Simply put, I would not have maintained an ounce of sanity had we not co-slept with the twins. However, I have also stated that whatever gets mom and baby the most sleep is the perfect arrangement for you. I did want to take a minute to address the idea that your child will never leave if you start co-sleeping.

A Matter of Perspective

I certainly agree that one of the things you should think about before bringing baby into bed with you is how long you and your husband are okay with this arrangement. We did not start out a co-sleeping family. Our in-laws strongly felt that we might squish the baby, our friends thought it would interfere with our intimacy, and well, it was just a foreign idea. But then days turned into weeks and because our first baby was an "all night buffet" type eater, it was not long before I was exhausted beyond the point of coping. This is how we started co-sleeping--it simply bought me more sleep and allowed me to keep nursing. All this is to say is that our perspective changed as we found that my being better rested actually bought more intimacy into our marriage rather than less.

As we began to work more with our babies needs, we came to the conclusion for ourselves that we were fine with babies in bed with us until they're ready to move out. We have yet to have anyone stay more than four years. We are okay with children coming to sleep with us in the middle of the night if they feel the need. With that said, we definitely have certain boundaries in place. Some of you may be reading this and going "Oh, three years isn't so bad." Meanwhile others of you are reading this thinking, "Yikes--three years!!!" Again, it's all a matter of perspective.

Moving Out

Moving a toddler out of co-sleeping is a process--not a one time event. Most families that I personally know who practice co-sleeping allow their children to come back into bed with them as needed; or at least sleep in the same bedroom. Timing is everything and it is never a good idea to change anything in your toddler's routine when there are other things going on in the house. You may have bought that new house so that everyone can have their own bedroom--but you shouldn't expect junior to be thrilled about the idea right away.

How Long is Too Long

There isn't an answer to this question. Different babies need different things. And yes, you can look at your child's wanting to be in bed with you as a 'need'. We start encouraging our babies out around 14 or 15 months by letting them start the night in their own beds. However, we allow them to come into our bedroom as needed. I think the needs of the child must be balanced with your needs in determining the right time for your children to leave your bed. In any case, co-sleeping can be a wonderful way to help moms and babies get more sleep, encourage breastfeeding and encourage bonding between baby and dad.

Related Articles:

Popular Sleep Strategies

Sharing Sleep With Your Baby

The Family Bed

Co-Sleeping Makes Me Happy

Practices That Promote Breastfeeding

Learn more about Valorie Delp

Hello everybody! My name is Valorie and I am one busy lady! When I'm not writing or editing for families, I am busy trying to get my brood of 5 in line.

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Julie Gentry (5915) 28 Jan 2007 12:28 PM

Valorie, my brother and his wife have a new baby and were worried about squishing it. So we did some research and found out that in all of the cases where a baby gets squashed, alcohol is involved, usually from the dad. Don't drink and doze?

Valorie Delp (49340) 28 Jan 2007 01:02 PM

I wrote an article. . .a long time ago about co-sleeping safely but sleeping while under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or even medications that make you drowsy with a baby in the bed is never a good idea. I believe that statistically speaking, that it is 'safer' to sleep in bed with a "altered" parent than it is in the crib. Not to say that you should put your baby in bed with you if you're drunk. . .but to say that there are very, very few deaths of an infant when the baby sleeps in bed with the parents as compared to crib deaths. But that's a whole other blog altogether. . .

gou__18 (5) 02 Jan 2009 02:10 PM

ok this talks about the time the husband and wife need but what about single parents? I am single mom and me and my 2 year old live in one tiny bedroom apartment that doesnt have enough space for 2 single beds so my question is if this is going to be a problem in my child development ?

Valorie Delp (49340) 02 Jan 2009 02:14 PM

This is really talking about infants that are still nursing. But rest assured, 99% of the world has tiny spaces. I think if you and your daughter have a big enough bed or two single beds she'll be just fine. ;-)