Are You the Reason Your Husband Doesn't Help with the Baby?

by Valorie Delp | More from this Blogger

I had an interesting experience the other day. We went to a parenting seminar and sat with a couple who had an infant. That in and of itself wasn't interesting (although I will say that if you think you're going to go to a parenting seminar to get it all straight before they get older--you'll be going to more than just one parenting seminar!) However, over lunch the wife shared how frustrated she was that her husband didn't help more with the baby.

My husband is super spouse. He cleans, he cooks, he does diapers and baths--and he doesn't bat an eyelash at doing them either. However, I can relate to her frustration. It seems that for many men that I know, the fact that we moms work all of the time, 24/7, eludes them. I'm sure she was still in the throws of sleep deprivation, and I'm sure dad was learning how to be dad as well. Her complaints were met with rolled eyes, slight defensiveness and nervous chuckles.

Then we started to watch them get ready to leave. That poor guy couldn't do anything right. The baby (who didn't walk and was sleeping in her stroller) didn't have her shoes on. Her blanket was on in the wrong place. Her head band was twisted and horror of all horrors, how could he consider letting her go out like that? Someone would see her twisted headband and think she wasn't being taken care of. As we watched mom fuss and fuss, and dad stand helplessly by, my husband leaned over and said, "If I was her husband I wouldn't help either. He can't do anything right!"

My husband wasn't commenting on the dad, but rather on the wife's constant criticism of her spouse's parenting techniques.

Now my husband will be the first to admit that things run more efficiently when I do them. Pig tails are even, the kids are mostly matched, teeth are brushed, and everyone has matching clothing on. Even shoes are generally, on the right feet. When my husband takes them out, all of that is variable--especially the matching clothes part. But I don't say a word. Why? I highly doubt in 10 years my children will be remembering that dad let the babies where polka dots with plaid and mismatched socks. What does seem to stick out in their minds is how daddy makes bath time fun, or how daddy takes all of them to Stew Leonard's.

Moms, is it your criticism of how things get done that keeps your husband from helping more? If you have to have things just so--then perhaps it's better to just do them yourself. My husband has been watching the way I do things for 12 years--and he still doesn't know how I do them. That's okay--he has his own way that works just as well. Try letting your husband bathe the baby or dress the baby and don't say a word. Leave the house if you have to. I suspect the alone time with your baby may just be the confidence booster dad needs to pitch in just a bit more.

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Learn more about Valorie Delp

Hello everybody! My name is Valorie and I am one busy lady! When I'm not writing or editing for families, I am busy trying to get my brood of 5 in line.

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